2004-12-30
Contemplations 101
I keep on giggling at the fact that in my college essay floppy, my essays are boringly categorized: "Rochester Essays", "Georgetown Essays", "NYU Essays", etc.
However (and this is why I love her dearly) Vin is the only person I know whose essays are under the name "College Shiz". Allow me to quote Geoffrey Hefflefinger: "Sweet Jesus that's funny!"
I was wondering at whether or not people like me or Vin or Pierce should be allowed to ever become professors. Think about it: the power.
I've had dreams about this--me, post-retirement and at a distinguished university...Pierce believes that he should have his own music theory class, drink a glass of Shiraz whilst having a student play the harp during one of his lectures.
Personally, I don't know what I'd teach. I do know that my classes would be a joke. I'd be the type to march in and structure an entire class based solely on the deconstruction of "The Waste Land"...or a class called "Contemplations"--whatever that entails.
Me: Walks in with a couple of T.S. Eliot hardcovers.
Random Student: Dr. Chang!
Me: Shut up, iiidiot! (zaps him with laser gun). Sits down on ivory-carved chair and takes out the Merlot. "Everyone, before we begin class, let us first marvel at the oil painting of Alexander Hamilton on the wall. Then, we shall pray to our deity, Milton Friedman, to bring us good fortune."
Random Student #2: "But I don't agree with Milton Friedman."
Class: Gasps
Me: "Oh?" (zaps her with laser gun)
Milton Friedman's ghost floats in.
Me: "Oh! Do welcome our special guest! Milton Friedman will help us with our deconstruction of 'The Waste Land' today."
Class: (gives the "golf" clap).
Friedman: in eerie undertones and clutching his fist begins to recite 'A Game of Chess' from "The Waste Land".
I think I'd make an excellent professor...Vin, if you are reading this, do you think Princeton would allow us to teach 'Contemplations' there?