2004-04-01

Give up?

Do you ever contemplate life? Really contemplate life...to really stare in the cold eyes of the girl who waits for you on the other side of the mirror. Her folly fills me with pain, and I watch that bitch transform into something she promised herself a long time ago that she wouldn't be.

You promised, or do you not remember? You swore, you cried, you made your vow in every way possible, but ultimately, you failed. Not once, but twice.

With all my heart, I wish that things were not so difficult, and what I wouldn't give to be normal. Tainted is this soul of mine, and I desperately fight to remember beneath the sheats of fog, pain, and regret. Who am I, if not tortured?

Is there a deity out there that listens to me? Please make my soul ignorant again...I hate everything--I loathe everything. I want everyone to die and burn, and I want pain and sorrow because happiness and serenity feel foreign and borrowed.

Yet, amidst everything I still found peace...taken away, however, and not to be returned.

I won't survive this one...I promise you this. I give up, I do...

aeka at 9:28 p.m.