2004-02-21

Falling again

Who is reading? I don't care...because this is the entry in which I will forget that foreign eyes read my words. Today, I will forget that there are readers out there, and I will pretend that there is only one writer--me.

It's not just that I am human and that my heart should pump blood...the same blood that carries emotion with it. So I did what I wanted--I called him, and I heard his voice. Now, I feel pain that I shouldn't feel. I don't suppose that this is necessarily bad...I feel pain because my reader came to life, and with him came reality.

"Shut-up, Libet you are being pessimistic..." is what I oftentimes repeat to myself...but it must be made clear that pessimism is the only thing that I know.

Fine, I will make this simple and clear--I am falling for him.

I can't do anything about it now...I am falling for him.

If I get hurt, I get hurt, and there's nothing I can do about it but hate myself afterwards...

I won't sprinkle this entry page with elaborate phrases, because I so oftentimes do that very same thing: I never get straight to the point.

I could be acting quite foolishly, but if I have to endure one-thousand nights of torture and agony in return for one-hundred days of bliss, then I will gladly do it.

Call me what you want--immature, I haven't learned the harder lessons of life yet (only someone who did not know me would say that), I'm stupid, I am too much of an idealist...yes, I might be all of those things, and ultimately I will suffer for that.

This is everytime...I always promise myself otherwise, but it never happens...

Even with Roger I was a bit more brave, but now my bravery has whithered...I am afraid, and I am once more falling for someone.

aeka at 5:51 p.m.