2003-12-14

I'm dying...

I am going to dedicate this blog to my friends--everyone who can actually put up with me for extended periods of time.

Sometimes I can't even explain my erratic behavior--why I can be so cold and detached one moment, and the next I'm normal. I don't think that I am bi-polar...

Well, I usually take for granted the fact that I do have people who care about me. I need to understand that people don't have to worship or love you to care about you in the most minimal aspect. When someone whom you haven't spoken to in months calls just to say "hi", I suppose that it's good enough. I suppose that I'm just another teenager trying to be happy. I know that if I continue with what I'm doing, my health is going to deteriorate further. I guess that that's just what I wanted from the beginning, to slowly kill myself. I suppose that you can compare it to self-mutilation--I needed (and probably still need) that self-abuse. I don't know whether or not I need a psychiatrist...after all, what IS normal behavior? So, after extensive thinking, I have come to the conclusion--who in the HELL would want to be my friend? I am still amazed that people can put up with me, and I don't want them to get confused--I do care.

aeka at 8:59 a.m.