2006-02-17
Combat Baby
"And why not smile when I've several more years of youth left in me? In fact, I've not even begun to live--you hear that, not even close!" I realize that it's time for me to go to sleep, but I keep talking:
"He was wearing that...that Russian toque thing!" I slump my shoulders. "Shit."
Metric plays in the background, and my Nyquil is starting to take over.
but...no one here wants to fight me like you do...Combat baby, combat baby...
I love that song, and I start thinking of my encounter with "Kurt", which wasn't even a real encounter because I didn't even have the courage to talk to him.
Again, I go unnoticed.
Who am I kidding? Having developed this strong infatuation is no different from having shot myself in the foot.
I feel clumsy next to him. His mere presence throws off my balance and it frustrates me utterly. He's...much, much too cool for me. I'm not cool enough. The music to which I listen isn't cool enough--nothing about me. At least, this is my projection--he could, after all, see things differently.
Has anyone here suffered from a really horrible crush? Oh God, does it not make you feel 14 again?
But it's funny...
Pray for me.