2005-05-18
Kiss Life and Smile
Today was the last day of school and of exams and of everything else that goes along with high school, but, it was also really the last day in which my life would be ruled by the bell. And Pierce says that it's degrading for our lives to be ruled simply by a bell, and for us to adhere to silly rules meant for pre-teens, but in a way I somewhat miss all of that.
Today was the last day in which I had to memorize the route to all my classes and look up at the trees in the courtyard and wonder when life would begin. Or rather, when something exciting would happen because life has been happening and unfolding since day one.
I have three to four editors lined up and ready to begin working on the Hamlet remake over the summer. Two of those editors are county English teachers, and one is a graduate of Harvard. So, yes, I trust my editors.
Ethan and I had a conversation last week that started with "The Waste Land" and ended with my not-quite-finished novella. And something came down from the sky and weighed down upon me with the heaviness that is truth, and my heart beat: an epiphany. It was a beautiful epiphany.
Today only three of us were awarded with our school's English Department awards. It could be why my portfolio was missing. I don't share my portfolio with anyone except my teacher and I don't even have that with me because it will be under lock and key for the next four years until I am ready to carry it over to my possession. Yes, we're anal about that.
Does one truly have to know how to spell the name of a book they're reading to be intelligent? After all, what happens if that human side of us were to show up (you know, the natural one that makes mistakes) and actually...slip? Will we be labeled as useless philistines and sent to concentration camps? I'd just like to know.
Plenty of people in world don't possess the same savoir-faire or wit as others, but they are no less competent. I am a true believer of academic and intellectual equality. I did run into someone this week--an idiot, no less--who showed disgust at those who accidentally mispelled the name of the books they were reading. People like that should be sent to some sort of an incinerator.
Summer and Norah Jones are the perfect inspiration for any book. She brings out the things that are hidden most deeply inside me...gently uncovering them from their sleep, and bringing them to light, and I relive everything that once was and that I once coveted.
This morning I kept recalling old memories. And many stand out, and I won't forget doing the "re-enactment" of Lord of the Flies on South Lido Beach in the tenth grade. I won't forget dressing up as Alexander Hamilton and Lauren as Aaron Burr and going at it in the courtyard. Hitherto I have been covered and fed by the southern ambiance--the hazy blanket of summer and its ghostly memories. Living in the south for so long has allowed me to imagine the settings for the books I've begun creating, and which are now collecting dust. I think that the streets of this lazy southern city are the same ones my characters have walked.
Observation has been my ultimate education--a child and pupil of the summer heat and winter solace.
I was thinking of this while my head rested on Al's shoulder as we danced. I felt his crisp, white shirt and silk tie and vest. I wrapped my bare arms around his waist and his fingertips danced on my bare back and glided over the smooth fabric of my dress. I kissed him once and smiled...kind of like the same way you kiss life and smile.