2004-07-27

Dead Things

I still remember when life was bland and predictable. In some way, I took comfort in that--it gave me a sense of complacency. I was complacent, but within the very depths of my soul I was still anticipating something to come and alter my life.

The harsh blows of life have turned my nature into a pessimistic one, but I remain hopeful--a human trait, I suppose. My heart is no longer still because it thrashes around my chest, but amidst all of this chaos there remains a sense of calmness. That, I am thankful for...

For the first time I cannot speculate how everything will end--never has this happened to me. I am left in the shadow of doubt, no intuition to bear the guiding torch in order to reach my answer. I have been blindfolded and pushed into the dark catacombs--I simply cannot find my way. I slowly walk, however, and my hands try to guide themselves by feeling the cracks and dents on the damp cobblestone walls. I do not know where I am going, I don't even know if I will even get there...but I do know that this journey will be over when the wall at the end cuts off my abilities to keep moving forward--then I will have reached the end.

I don't know why the middle scares him...he said he'd rather get to the end. The end frightens me because it has oftentimes greeted me with contempt, and opened new wounds where the old ones once stood. The end is not certain, and anything that is uncertain frightens me. Perhaps he is not certain of the middle.

aeka at 7:23 a.m.