2004-07-17

Papercut

My head teems with immeasurable possibilities--unimaginable--swarming through the grey sky above my head. The air feels humid. My skin feels damp as I walk. I now begin to remember too many things that are slipping past me and I see myself in this white tunnel--time-space--images flying past me at speeds that are far beyond that of light. I begin to quiver at images that displease me, and I grip my miniature umbrella and hug my satchel closer to my hip. I tremble at the distant sound of thunder--someone please understand me--I continue walking.

An array of thoughts lay scattered in my head like some collage pasted on cardboard--magazine pictures with jagged edges scattered around and overlapping one another. How much time to I have left? This particular thought crosses my head, and I begin to think that it holds the answers to all of my questions:

�We will remain in that moment forever. That moment is ours--I swear it--it�s ours, and we are simply two young doves. That moment is infinite, and in it, you will forever be mine.�

There�s my panacea. Superfluous feelings of mine have now run dry and I find that I take things philosophically--numb--and deep breaths enter and leave my body--chest heaving up and down slowly and gently--whilst I close my eyes to envision my thoughts.

Looking out now into the horizon is not so empty--I see something. Possibilities of finishing my book, the possibility of sitting down to actually study. No, something more lies behind these thoughts as I count the bubbles in my San Pellegrino--it�s the end. The end is finally approaching and now we can all become separated and lead different lives. I calmly wait.

Some books have gone unfinished, and my sleep debt has not been fully paid. I check my cell phone and I see that there are two calls from �the guy� that I met the other day. I bite my lip--deciding--whether or not to return the call--never mind that. I don�t like relationships, and he probably doesn�t even read Voltaire. I don�t care.

The new book by Sartre is still on my bookshelf, I had a plan to read all of my books.

aeka at 9:51 p.m.