2004-06-18
Something New
This afternoon was perfect as the birds flew above me and the red brick buildings stood bathed in the setting sun. I sat on the bench which directly faced the gray-stone Gothic building on this campus, and I began to think.
Two med-school students passed me by, and I randomly caught their conversation which pertained to their final examinations. I believe that Dr. Jervis is giving us our midterm on Monday. This afternoon, all of my worries about my debate and the presentation of my brief just seemed to fade as I drowned in happiness.
I couldn't help it when the gardens were so beautiful and the afternoon so incredibly warm--I was happy.
He spoke to me again--that boy...
I still don't know his name, and perhaps I would rather not...perhaps the intrigue makes everything much more quixotic, much more ideal, and I find that I am once more having life breathed into my soul as fairy-tale thoughts and vignettes flow in and out of my head.
It's the feeling that I get when I cross the streets to get to my 8:30 class each morning and hear my own footsteps on the cobblestone sidewalk. The air smells differently here, and the campus strongly resembles something old, lost, majestic, and quaint.
I feel at home, as if this is where I belong, and as if I am somehow fulfilling my desired purpose--to sit on garden benches engaging in deep discussions with others. Or, to quickly cross the street to buy a Frappuccino so that I don't fall asleep in my three-hour class. While seemingly trivial, these are the new things that now define my life...this is what I live for and what fills me.
I come and go with an air of deliberation (Thoreau) and I sit and contemplate, and each day I feel that my soul soars higher and higher, because of everything--my morning and afternoon walks through the gardens and quaint alleys, my talks with random strangers as I smile and laugh...I can laugh now, and it's not forced. Sometimes, I catch myself smiling and laughing for no apparent reason--just to do it.
Now I know why life is indeed worth living...and I keep recalling the stranger that I met on the plane who reminded me so much of Roger. Those same eyes--clear green and inquisitive, teeming with freshness and vitality. I was reminded of perfection. My life now has purpose, and the shackles around my heart have been cast off.