2004-04-18
Self-Reliance
"Summer days are gone too soon, you shoot the moon, and miss completely..."
--Nora Jones
Those carefree, sleepy summer days when the smell of blooming orchids embraces you in the late afternoon. It's like being seven years old again and wearing pink shorts whilst having a best friend named Paris.
Oftentimes our closes friends slip away from us, and we don't even notice--do we even care? Certainly, I do at some point. It's like when Brenda and I became rather estranged.
So many thoughts that swirl in this head of mine, and the majority of them only produce anxiety and add to the amount of stress that I am already suffering from. Why is it that my life is falling apart now? Or is it supposed to happen this way, is it supposed to slowly fall apart so that it can naturally fall back into place?
How long has it been since I wrote a decent paragraph in that book of mine? Perhaps I stopped writing in it because I realized that no one wants to hear the over-exhaustive ramblings of a histrionic writer. I am aware that I go on and on at times, but such is who I am! If you force me to be succinct, then you might as well give me a rope to hang myself with.
Writing is so many things--an art, a craft, a statement, etc. etc. To me, it is something that you perfect, and it is the ultimate means of self-expression. Therefore, through the extensive descriptions that I enjoy writing down, I find a means to express myself. That book has been a work in progress for over two years, and the reason why it is so valuable is because each chapter conveyes an evolution of emotions. No two paragraphs have been written whilst feeling the same emotion or experiencing the same life circumstance.
Also, I belive that this is the time in which I sit down and actually think about what it is that I want. Without a mark in life, I cannot live. Simply, I am a creature who craves eccentricity. When I was depressed, at the very core of it all, I felt good. Mainly, because I would eventually overcome it and my writing would be astounding afterwards. Being alone does not scare me, because it is something that I am rather accustomed to...what scares me is being conventional. Conventionality is like poison to the rising individual. Self-reliance should be the aim of us all.