2004-04-03
A comprehensive analysis of me
Chaim Potok is undoubtedly my favorite author--inspiration leaps through every page. I'm not a very religious person (not anymore, at least), yet the level of respect that I have gained for religion (particularly Judaism) is immense.
I cannot read Potok without being inspired or without being reminded of something very important. It was this paragraph that I was reading last night of "The Chosen" when Reuven is looking around his room after coming back from the hospital.
Striking how he puts so much care into the most minimal details. Not a "dry" perfectionist, but a perfectionist with emotion, a perfectionist that takes joy in the circumstances that life has to offer. In fact, not perfectionist at all, just aware...
Suddenly, I was reminded of myself not so long ago--perfectionist, a being seeking enlightenment, aware, and as Thoreau so gracefully put it �sucking the marrow out of life�.
Never before had I enjoyed life so much, and I didn't behave as such to be taken more seriously or to gain respect. My perspective is as such: the opinions of others are as much of value as a cow's ass (in fact, I believe that a cow's ass is much more valuable).
So, I grow, and I change, and I am forever fickle, and oftentimes people don�t take me seriously. Rather, they pat me on the head and send me off. Humans, what can I say about humans?
Egotists
conceited
And, they all suffer from an inferiority complex--myself included.
Therefore, just so that there is no confusion in the future, I will now write down exactly what it is that I am.
I am human, and coincidentally enough the structure of my Double helix has made it possible for me to develop a decent gift of oratory and creative writing in the eighteen years of my existence. I write, and in the action of writing when I put my pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard, that makes me a writer--the person who engages in the physical act of writing.
I am not some omniscient guru, but I do seek enlightenment. Thus, I believe that everyday in which the worshipped sun peers forth the golden window of the East (alright, cheap shot...I know, but courtesy of Shakespeare), this day brings forth a new opportunity to learn.
I engage in rigorous study for extended periods of time. Subconsciously, I enjoy this self-torture. Mainly, of course, I study so much because I do not possess my father's photographic memory (but I do somewhat possess his analytical skill and comprehension of economics). All in all, it is unfortunate that knowledge does not come to me in an effortless manner. Neither does writing--I'm not Ben Dictor, or "B-diddy", as he now likes to be called.
Lastly, I do not say things to be pretentious, and if I do say something at all, then it's because I have the inalienable right to say what I feel. Pretentious? Not in my book, no.
Comprehending me is not so difficult, but because I inherited my father's bi-polar-like personality and aggressive temperament, I do caution some to be on their guard.
I think that after seven months of having full-ownership of this diary, it was about time that people knew about me--really knew. I only do this to establish a better relationship with my readers.
Good-day...