2004-03-27
Wipe away the tears...bring out the guns
A fierce sense of desperation burns within as you scurry to get first place in the rat-race, otherwise known as college admissions.
I worry, and my insecurities boil over and coat my insides like hot caramel that turns into dry-candy. You can't chip away at it...I failed, and I can't do anything about that.
Jaded, I stare blankly at the textbooks and my mind wanders off into oblivion trying to figure out what I want--for all of this to stop. I want to scream loudly, I want to bury my face in my mother's arms and wail, I want to pull out my hair and throw my transcripts in the face of admission's officers.
"Take that, you utter bastards..."
I haven't signed up for the SATs yet...I'm so afraid. I wasn't like this before, I used to take risks...I was once bold and daring--fearless, energetic, optimistic, etc. etc.
If I cry, I will throw away emotion into tears. That's probably why I keep falling deeper--I keep crying and running away. I have to find my way around this--I have to...
What I once invested into tears of frustration will now be invested into the passionate impetus to slay apathy.
I know that Vin will do the same...
Wouldn't it be utterly bland if we were all prodigies?