2004-01-13
I am sick once more
Whilst Vin is struggling with her identity as a student (serious vs. contemplative philospher vehemently opposed to "overachievement") I sit here with my throat feeling like a knot, and desperately making the attempt to conjure up something interesting to say. Usually, I would talk about my problems, but right now I have none, except that I am extremely sick.
Also, I have signed up to take my SATs in June. This will be the first--and hopefully last--time that I take the test. On the same day, I have decided that I am going to take the SAT II subject test for physics--::shrill scream of excitement::.
Today's contemplation: Regardless of anything that happens, life is very beautiful, and I am aghast at how I could have ever thought of departing from it. However, I will not begin to criticize myself for the way that I acted or felt in the past, because depression has been the most difficult thing that I have had to deal with. Actually, I started out as a very healthy and happy teenager. Any contemplation of suicide was the farthest thing from my mind, but all of a sudden, I felt asphyxiated. The anguish and anxiety that had been building up for years suddenly came down on me.
There is no doubt in my mind as to how boring this place is, but that certainly should not be the reason that keeps me drowned in this sea of pain.
Now, I'm dealing with something that is not as horrible as my late depression, but certainly just as important--my health. Again, I am sick and bedridden for the day. How convinient (and I say this in the most sarcastic manner possible) that every time I have something important to do in regards to my schoolwork, I fall sick. Can I not have one week in which my face will give a healthy and enviable glow? How many times have I fallen sick since July?
TOO MANY TIMES
Thus, I now have to make up the essay for AP American History (a class that I don't like to get behind on), and I am certain of the fact that I have an enormous amount of work to do in precalculus.