2004-01-08
Vurxt
Today's journal entry will start with these words: I am such a masochist...
Quote of the day: "but you are ALWAYS studying"--Listen, when your overachieving Chinese friend says this to you, then you really must take a break.
So the question on everyone's mind right now is why I would say that I am a masochist. Please allow me to proceed to today's teenage complexities summary:
Alright, so I walk out of English (as is my usual custom), and need I say who I ran into? Of course not, it is obvious. Well, there's this smile on his face as he approaches me, and he gives me a hug (I do believe that this is the first time he has embraced me in weeks--listen to me, I sound like a sex-deprived housewife). Anyway, so he says that he's going to dye his hair an even lighter shade of blonde, and I tell him that I would prefer to dye mine darker because of this annoying reddish tint that appears everytime the sun hits it. He says that he likes the reddish tint, and so he proceeds to give me another hug as we depart. Sweet? Well, I thought so...
By the way, I just found out today that Dr. Arndt used to smoke! AND she was once married...wow. (alright, for any regular human being, this wouldn't be tabloid material, but not for her...)
Alright, back to my story:
The entire day I have been thinking about this morning, and whether or not he has some level of affection for me, or if I am just fooling myself. I have been thinking about what he meant by "I like the reddish tint" with a smile on his face. Please clarify for me whether you like reddish tints in general, or if you like my reddish tint on me...yes, I know, the trivialities (as if I haven't already noticed the insignificant issues that plague my mind. However, I suppose that I simply cannot do without them)
Alright, so somewhere in between precalculus and Corporate Law class I came to the decision that I should indeed have hope. I decided that if Candide searched the world for his beloved Cunegonde, then there is nothing wrong in my kindling the affections that I already have for him. All was well, until I walk through the parking lot and see his car (which is odd, because at that time, he's usually at gone) and I begin to have a debate with myself in regards to whether or not he is in Academic Olympics practice. However, Academic Olympics is on Wednesdays and Mondays, and today just happens to be Thursday. Seeing as how I am getting extremely tired of running around in circles, I will get straight to the point--I look back once more and I see him walking towards his car...with his girlfriend.
Vexed? No....
Hurt? No...
Vurxt? Yes, indeed I am...
And this is why I am a masochist: because I continue to hold affections for someone who is with another. I am a masochist because I let all of these idiots come into my life, get the best out of me, and seeing as how I am an idiot in terms of romance, nothing ever works out.
Listen, I have a case in March, and that is the only thing that should be of any concern to me at this point.