2003-12-12

Stress

I have been doing a great amount of work, frantically trying to catch up and make things run more smoothly--but alas, it is to no avail, for I am sure that I will get those dreadful B's that I loathe so much. I am absolutely plagued with worries, and each and every single one stems from a school-related issue. I will now proceed to systematically write them all down, perhaps it will help me.

My first worry are my grades--all B's? No, that does not please me, I lose sleep over it. If my gpa suffers now, I can kiss Georgetown goodbye, and many other factors are tied to the Georgetown enrollment this summer--so many, it's imponderable. First off, Georgetown will look so fantastic on my transcript, and if I don't have that, I'm screwed.

My second worry is actually an extension of my first--college applications. I am happy to say that I am just now getting out of that whole "depression" stage that I went through last month. I am ::cringes teeth:: fine living here in Sarasota, but I need more, and my only safe ticket out of here is through college. So, what if I don't get accepted into NYU or Rochester? Whatever shall I do? Oh, poor poor me...

This last one is one that is not as bad that the former two, but it is just as important--scholarships and SAT's. I have not even signed up for those damned tests yet, and I still need to decide which SAT II's I'm taking--remember, I need to make them think I'm actually smart.

I have not had a decent night's sleep in ages. History takes up all of my time. I sit back and ask, "where does the day go?" Well, I live by my timer. Everything has to be coldly calculated, or else my whole routine is off. I feel like I'm losing control, and I have so much to do. Instead of relaxing, I must settle for a cup of coffee and the hope that things will get better over the weekend. I surprise myself at times when I look back at all of the work that I do, and how I manage to come out of it all half-way sane. I have reason to believe that I'm a bit loon-ish so to speak. Those extensive conversations that I have with myself really need to stop, along with that the whole bi-polar routine that I pull at times. I now have to do my DNA Analysis report. When this is all over, I am going to write a book--Suburbia Blues...

aeka at 2:52 p.m.