2003-12-02

Disgusting Vermons

Perhaps I sound slightly deranged at saying this, but I for one am content that school has resumed once more. Long breaks may be relaxing and such, but I terribly miss that mental intercourse that I have with my friends. I'm not exaggerating when I complain that I suffer inside this household. I'm not saying that my father is not a smart man (he's a civil engineer, which equals an extensive degree of math knowledge), and I suppose that my mother is average (damn her genes, I could have been smarter). I only complain about the fact that they are not as refined as I would want them to be. As Thomas Jefferson did with the declaration of independence, and the women's rights advocates at the Seneca Falls Convention, I too will write down my grievances.

1) Lack of refinement, and this includes the sometimes incessant swearing and noise pollution. They argue over the most trivial subjects--burn in hell! The both of you, and leave me here in peace.

2) Atrocious eating habits, and that includes using the salad fork when you're not supposed to, incorrect use of napkins, and yes, belching! I cannot with these feeble words express my discontent, anger, and utter disgust at hearing someone belch out loud. It is inconceivably rude, because I do not want to hear such disgusting things!

3) The fact that the both of you pretend to know things about law, and you have absolutely no clue. Father, I hate to tell you this, but the majority of the things that you quote are fallacious. I study law, I would know!

4) The fact that you fathered other bastards before fathering me is quite discerning. In turn, those bastards had bastards of their own, and now my beautiful bloodline has been polluted with "outside" blood. Those bastards of yours had no consideration as to the IQ of their spouses, and that is a terrible wrong done unto me.

For now, those are all of my charges against my father. I am aware that I said both of my parents, but my mother is only guilty of arguing with him (which is equally aggravating). All in all, I dream of the day when my father dies and I'm the one that will actually be able to set this disgusting family straight. I will strip the undeserving bastards of their unearned surnames (and not to mention my father's will). Like Hitler did with Germany, I too will purge this family of its "unclean" aspects. Then, we will all have like genes and IQ's exceeding a 165. Life will be good after that.

aeka at 6:37 a.m.